If you didn’t or don’t have a satisfying relationship with your mother
(Time to read: ~2 minutes)
This can be a tough time of year for some of us.
There are so many banners and pop-ups and signs and advertisements with all these “gooey” images of motherhood.
So many subtle and not-so-subtle pressures telling us that we should shower our mothers with gifts and tell them how wonderful they are and were.
It’s like a double whammy if you didn’t feel loved, supported or understood by your mother.
Popular culture has it that mothers tell their kids “You’re great! You can do anything, be anything you want.”
But what if, instead, you got the message that there was something wrong, selfish, broken or defective about you?
Somehow you have to find your way out of the black tar pit of self-judgment that is the legacy of those messages. For many of us, that is a ongoing, daily struggle.
Now, on top of that, you are supposed to be grateful to the person who put you there?
What the hell?!
You Have Every Right
However you feel about what your mother did or didn’t do – it’s okay.
You’re not a bad person.
Your needs just haven’t been met. So of course you’re going to feel angry, hurt, disappointed, guilty – or however else you feel.
Just be with the feelings. Breathe with them. In and out. In and out.
I invite you to bring compassion to that little (or big) part of you who was so hurt.
They need your love and your attention and your care.
And maybe they need some tangible expression of the love, care and support that wasn’t always there for you from your mother – but that you are learning to give yourself.
Maybe it’s a walk in the park, time with a friend, snuggling with a kitten, a trip to the zoo, a bouquet of flowers, or a soft teddy to hug.
What’s Your Language of Self-Compassion?
If you’d like to find out your “language” of self-compassion, you might consider taking the 5 Love Languages profile for Singles at the following link
… and giving yourself some of the things you most enjoy receiving from others.
Here’s the link: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/singles/
To see the full set of profiles, click here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
If You Find Self-Compassion Difficult
… it may mean that you haven’t received enough compassion from outside to fill your “well”.
Or – because self-compassion is like a muscle that gets stronger with use – it may mean that you haven’t been practicing enough. Which can be hard to do on your own.
If you’d like some support with either of these challenges, I’m available and happy to help.
You can schedule a free initial consultation here to share what you’re looking for and see if what I offer seems like a good fit
May you be the compassionate parenting presence for yourself that you’ve always longed for.
Warmly, with care,