If you’re a mother…

 In Blog, Self-Compassion

(Time to read: ~ 3 minutes)

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg said “The definition of hell is being a parent and thinking there is any such thing as a good parent.”

For sensitive and self-aware moms, this time of year can be a mixed blessing.

It’s nice that the continual, often invisible, unacknowledged and unappreciated work of mothering – physical, mental and emotional – gets publicly recognized.

And the tributes from children and partners can be touching and heart-warming.

But many moms feel guilty about the gap between their dreams, visions and intentions on the one hand, and day-to-day reality.

What do you remember?

The pictures of warmly smiling mother-figures in commercials and advertisements can trigger contrasting memories of the moments when your own frustration turned to yelling – and the hurt and tears in young eyes and faces.

How can you have compassion for yourself in the midst of the impossible demands and expectations of modern parenting?

How can you forgive yourself for the inevitable human lapses – when unrealistic expectations met the all-too-real limits of human awareness and patience?

Self-Compassion for Mothers

  1. Think of a moment with your children that you regret.
  2. What qualities do you wish you had brought to them in that moment that you didn’t?
    Patience? Understanding? Empathy? Compassion? Play? Celebration?
    Connect to as many of these “intangibles” as you can, until you feel complete.
  3. What were you wanting your children to do in that moment (or to have done, if you were feeling frustrated about something that had already happened)?
    What gifts were you hoping that choice would bring to your children in future?
    To get to school on time? So they will have connection and respect with their teacher and their friends?
    And so they will learn well, which will give them ease and choice in getting into the career they really want?
    So they will have a joyful life of abundance, pleasure and meaning?
    There are so many beautiful intentions behind every choice we make. Appreciate and savour the beauty in what you were wanting for your children in that moment.
  4. What can you learn from this experience, so you can honour all of what was important to you in that moment?
    Patience. Empathy. Compassion. Celebration.
    Connection, Respect, Learning, Ease, Choice, Abundance, Pleasure and Meaning.
    What choice could you make to honour all of what was important to you in that moment?
  5. Re-imagine that moment using this different choice. Do that at least 3 times.
    Because our minds can’t tell the difference between something that actually happened and something we simply imagine in vivid detail.
    So the more you imagine it, the more you will heal the past, and prepare yourself for a new and different future.

And Happy Mother’s Day!


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