Want to enjoy life more? Try this one simple sentence…

 In Blog, Satisfying Relationships

(Time to read: ~2 minutes)

“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

One of the things that NVC has helped me realize is how much of the time my automatic mind spends judging.

Judging events, judging myself, judging other people. It consumes my energy and drags me down.

Sometimes I hear people say “I have to stop judging so much!”

The problem with this intention – however admirable – is that it is unrealistic (what NVC calls a “non-doable” request).

So what can we do?

The research on habits and our brains suggests that once a brain pathway is there, we can’t get rid of it (at least not in the short term).

What we can do is to build a new habit, starting from whatever triggers the old one.

What do I mean? Here’s an example:

I’ve been noticing that as soon as I see someone, my mind automatically goes into judgment mode – my “old habit”.

Amit Sood’s research indicates that it takes only milliseconds for us to judge someone as either a threat to us, or someone with various positive attributes. Even before we determine whether we know them, we’ve reached conclusions about what they’re like as a person.

And our brains have a “negativity” bias – so we automatically judge many more people negatively than we do positively.

The state of the world now starts to make a lot more sense to me…

The “New Habit” Experiment I’ve Been Trying

The trigger for my old habit is seeing another person.

So the new habit I’m trying to build is, whenever this happens, to focus on them and silently say “I wish you well”.

Will You Join Me? What Do You Notice?

I invite you to try this yourself and see what you notice. Click this link and share your experience.

I don’t want to influence your experience, so I won’t tell you yet what I’ve noticed for myself – I’ll report on that in my next blog post.

I’ll also summarize the results of what you and others tell me about your experience.

I look forward to having your companionship on this journey!

Warmly, in peace with you,


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