Why I wish I had learned NVC as a child – Benefits for parents & children

 In Blog, Couples, Parents

(Time to read: ~3 minutes)

I wish I had learned NVC when I was a kid. I think my life would have been very different in 4 key ways:

  • My teen years would have been much easier emotionally – for me and my parents.
    The teen years are a time of high emotional intensity.
    If I had the skills then that I have now for managing that intensity, really hearing one another (even when we didn’t agree) and resolving disagreements,
    we would have had fewer fights, felt hurt far less often, and I think they would have worried far less. We would also have felt less helpless – on both sides.
  • I would have made better life choices.
    I would have known how to use the wisdom of my feelings to guide my important life choices – without being ruled by my emotions in the moment, and without just going along with what other people thought was right for me.
    This is so important for teens because teen brains are naturally wired to focus on their friends, so without these skills, they are at risk of just “going along to get along” and, these days, that can lead to a lot of trouble.
  • I would have been more successful at work much sooner.
    Emotional intelligence is becoming the deciding factor in both who gets hired and who is most successful.
    NVC offers the fastest and most powerful approach to building emotional intelligence of all the approaches I’ve investigated over the past 30 years.

    A second top factor in workplace success is teamwork; the ability to collaborate with others.
    Again, NVC offers the most powerful approach for quickly identifying and integrating different points of view into a collaborative solution that works for everyone.
    So if I’d known NVC right at the beginning of my career, I would have had much higher emotional intelligence, which would have made work less stressful for me, and I would have been more effective at collaborating with others, which would have made things better for everyone.

  • My first couple relationship would have gone better – because I would have been a better partner
    We loved each other. But we didn’t really know how to deal with our differences except to either “do our own thing”, regardless of how the other person felt – or give in and resign ourselves to not getting our needs met.
    I worked with a variety of counselors / mental health professionals over the years, and we even went for couples counseling together – but what I can see in hindsight was that none of these people really knew how to help us hear one another and find ways forward that truly worked for both of us.
    I don’t know what the end result would have been if at least one of us had known NVC back then, but I do believe that we would have gotten there with more peace and connection and less pain.

I want all parents & children to have an easier & happier time

Because of my experience, I really want all children to learn NVC as early as they can, so they can have the advantages I didn’t have.

And I also want all parents to get to fully enjoy the experience of being parents – to feel less worried about their kids and less frustrated by them.

The neat thing is that one of the most effective ways for kids to learn NVC is from the people they interact with every day – their parents.

So when even one parent learns NVC, everyone benefits.


Do you have any suggestions to share?

I’m looking for ways to connect with parents who feel that they and/or their children might benefit from NVC.

One of the best indicators of this can be if the parents struggle to resolve conflicts with their children – or with each other.

I’ve devoted the last 14 years to figuring out how to help people learn NVC so it will enable couples, parents and children to get the full benefit of NVC in the least amount of time.

But I’m not as aware of all the places where I might meet people who could benefit from this work.

So if you have any ideas, I’d really love to receive them! 🙂

You can

Thank you so much for any ideas you can offer – to help me contribute to a world where everyone’s needs are being met peacefully.


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