Stormy Weather – Part 1 of 5
(Time to read: ~ 3 minutes)
Powerful storms have been happening.
Some have caused massive damage.
That can happen in our relationships too.
I believe that how we handle the storms that arise – in ourselves and in others – determines the quality of our relationships.
This is the first of five articles on what I’ve learned about effectively harnessing the power of those storms.
So that they become like strong winds that drive the wind turbines of our relationships – generating power and benefits for everyone. Rather than destructive forces that rip at our hearts and tear up the foundation of the relationship.
1 – Prepare by applying daily doses of appreciation
… to strengthen the foundation of the relationship.
I think of this as like creating an earthquake-resistant building. Or “battening down the hatches”, making a ship ready to weather any storms that arise.
Some people baulk at the idea of “daily” doses. And the frequency will depend on the frequency of contact you have with the other person.
You may also need to gradually ramp up the amount of appreciation you express, building capacity both in yourself to express, and in the other person to receive your appreciations.
And I’ve found that many relationships are like flat balloons – capable of holding much more appreciation than I originally thought, and becoming more buoyant and alive the more appreciation “helium” gets added.
“But I Want to Receive Appreciation Too…”
It is important to us to feel valued and appreciated in our relationships. And how we ask for this support can either fill up our balloon or trigger a tornado.
Over the next four installments of “Stormy Weather” I’ll offer some key tips on how to raise things we’d like to be different.
For now, I’ll recommend that you start by adding your own puffs of appreciation to the balloon.
Start by Appreciating Yourself
We can only give what we ourselves have. So if you notice that you can’t authentically find or express appreciation for the other person, then start by simply noticing and appreciating yourself and your contributions.
And if you’re in this place, I recommend doing this self-initial appreciation silently, either in your mind or in a journal. Because my experience is that my self-appreciations, when I’m not feeling appreciated by the other person, tend to sound like blame or criticism to them.
Even if you are feeling appreciated by the other person in the relationship, I also recommend doing your own independent self-appreciation. This strengthens our relationship to ourselves, and our personal power to act in ways that support us, even when others may not like our strategies.
What’s Your Next Step?
What would be the smallest, simplest thing you could do to incorporate the one aspect of this post that most appeals to you?
Are you willing to do that between now and the next time you receive an email from me?
If not, what would you look forward to doing?
I invite you to consider doing that.
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Would you like help in dealing with some stormy weather?
Is one or more of your relationships suffering from storm damage that you’d appreciate help in clearing up?
I’d like to help.
I work with people who are willing to start working on their own “side” of the relationship, even if their partner isn’t yet willing.
In both cases you’ll see an up-to-the-minute copy of my calendar and book yourself directly into it at a time that works for you. No telephone tag or email exchanges – beauty! You’ll receive an automatic confirmation email with a link to use if you need to cancel or reschedule.
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Photo credit: © James Thew – Fotolia.com