Wounded? Or just learning?

 In Blog, Effective Dialogue, Satisfying Relationships

(Time to read: ~2 minutes)

There are many ways of understanding ourselves and others.

Some approaches suggest that we find compassion for ourselves and others by thinking of one another as wounded. And I do sometimes experience more compassion when I think this way.

And yet, there are aspects of this approach that don’t work so well for me.

For example, when I’m seeing someone as wounded, it is more difficult for me to stay connected to their gifts – their capacity to learn and grow and contribute.

And I’m more likely to try to help them or fix them or take care of them, rather than seeing them as an equal partner in determining how we can move forward together – in a way that works for both of us.

Alternatives to “Wounded”

I treasure the phrase that I learned during my coaching training – that we are all “creative, resourceful and whole”. (Coaches Training Institute)

And, building on this, I really appreciate the perspective I have gained through my study of Nonviolent Communication – that, over time, we can learn to meet our needs and the needs of others more fully in more and more situations.

The Choice

So, when I’m in a conflict with someone, or when I see myself or someone else struggling with a situation or a challenge, I have a choice about how I understand what is happening.

I could see the person who is struggling as “wounded”.

And I find it much more satisfying to see them as a creative and resourceful person who is seeking to learn how to meet their needs – and the needs of others – more fully and effectively in this particular situation. I find it helps both of us bring our best to each other and to the challenge at hand.

What do you choose?

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Would you like to feel more compassionate and collaborative with others in difficult situations – without needing to see them as wounded? Perhaps I can help. Click here to book a no-risk session.

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