Start Where You Are…

 In Blog, Effective Dialogue, Enjoy Life Your Way

(Time to read: ~2 minutes)

 I’ve had several people lately tell me “I love that working with you and this process, I don’t have to do anything special to get ready – I can just start exactly where I am”.

For me, this is part of the magic of NVC – its ability to support me no matter what’s up with me – angry, sad, happy, confused, hurt, frustrated, weary, …

Getting Started

To begin, the invitation is simply to get even more in touch with all of what’s up for me (or you) – to increase our awareness. Which will likely include many different and apparently contradictory things.

Like I’m mad at someone for doing or not doing something, and I have lots of thoughts and judgements about them and what they’ve done or not done. And that I’m disappointed with myself about how I responded – judgements there too. And maybe some my anger, frustration, hurt or despair related to other people in the situation.

This awareness may not be totally comfortable at first, but there is a profound feeling of relief when I’ve connected with it all.


And being aware of it all is useful in so many ways!

First, it provides vital clues to what is important to me in the situation.

And it gives me the opportunity and choice to transform my energy around the situation.

For example, from constricted and angry and blaming (or guilty) to more peaceful, relaxed, open, hopeful and curious. A state in which I am much more likely to be able to connect with other people more effectively. As well as being able to access my own creativity to create satisfying change.

But first I have to access what is actually there.

Costs of Trying to Start Somewhere Else

If I don’t start with an awareness of all of what is really up for me, I will unconsciously communicate a lot of “negative stuff” to other people – which will register with them far more powerfully than any words that I say.

I find the most significant way to get “off track” with NVC is to try to go too quickly and directly to that connected, creative state – trying to bypass or ignore the sometimes uncomfortable, chaotic and “messy” reality of where I’m at right now.

There is no short cut to connection – and the road sometimes starts off kind of muddy.

But it is always worth the journey.

So … what do you notice is up for you right now?

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Do you sometimes find it hard to notice what’s up for you? Only realizing that you were holding judgments of someone else when they reacted “negatively” to something you said?

I teach a couple of simple and effective tools for helping you notice what’s up – before we open our mouths and put our foot in it. If you’d like to learn about them in a warm, safe and private one-on-one space that’s often full of laughter, click here to book a risk-free session. If you’re not satisfied, there’s no fee.

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