The #1 Skill for Peacefully Successful Communication

(Time to read: ~ 3 minutes)

Communication would be easy if it weren’t for the negative emotions that arise in you and others – anger, fear, hurt, frustration, guilt, helplessness…

In order to communicate effectively, you need to learn to deal effectively with negative emotion in yourself and others.

Why?

If you communicate when you are in the “grip” of negative emotion, the other person will almost certainly “catch” negative emotion from you, and will resist whatever you propose.

You’ll both be caught in a vicious cycle of negativity.

And in order to have a reasonable conversation with others, you need to know how to

• Detect if they’re “in a hole” of negative emotion
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• Avoid “catching” it yourself, and
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• Help them “out of the hole” and onto positive, level emotional ground.

The Value of Negative Emotions – and what that means for shifting them

Those negative emotions are there for a reason – to protect the person who is feeling them.

That’s why they are so challenging to deal with.

You can’t just “think positive thoughts” to make the negative feelings go away.

The negative feelings arise in a part of a brain that is older and exerts more control than our newer “thinking” brain.

So what can we do to shift them?

The 3 Keys

In order to learn to deal effectively with negative emotions in yourself and others, you need 3 things:

1. Conceptual Understanding – You need to understand what you can do to shift negative emotion in yourself and others – and what just makes things worse.
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   Fortunately, there is a step-by-step process you can use in any situation.
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   And I have spent more than a decade researching, testing and refining it, so you can get lasting results in the shortest amount of time.
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2. Support – At the core of negative emotions is the fear that things are not going to be okay for us in some particular situation.
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   We want to know that there is care and support for us to deal with whatever it is.
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   With time and practice we can learn to bring that to ourselves, even when we’re experiencing negative emotion.
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   But in the beginning, we need the support of others to help us “out of the hole” of negative emotion.
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   That’s how we learn to do it for ourselves.
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   And that’s how we learn to help others.
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3. Practice – Being able to shift “negative” emotion in ourselves and others is like a muscle.
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   Practicing it is like lifting weights. Frequent, regular practice is the key to building strength.
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   The challenge is that it is not fun to focus on our own negative thoughts and feelings – or on those of others.
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   So we’ll tend to avoid it. And our “muscle” for getting ourselves and others “out of the hole” won’t get stronger.
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   That’s another reason why we need support – the right kind of support.
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   The kind that will make you feel better and more understanding of the other person.
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   Not the kind that will make you feel better about yourself, but more critical and negative about the other person.

Choose the Support You Want

I offer two kinds of support to people who want to learn and practice this vital communication skill:

1. Private, one-on-one support
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   You get to bring your challenging situations – the ones that trigger negative emotion every time you think about them.
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   I’ll support you to “get out of the hole” of negative emotions, while also teaching you the steps to do this yourself.
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   As you feel ready, you’ll try the steps on your own. If you don’t get “all the way” out of the hole about a particular situation, I’ll support you to get onto positive, “level” emotional ground.
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   People have found this support helpful in two ways:
   1 – They’ve been able to “get out of the hole” about long-standing situations – and experience the relief of that.
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   2 – With this supported practice, they’ve found themselves being able to deal more effectively on their own with current situations that arise.
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   Bonus: You’ll get access to videos that walk you through the “out of the hole” process, AND that teach you what to do once you’re out – to peacefully and successfully find solutions that work for you and other people involved.
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   To book a one-on-one session – click here.
   If we haven’t worked together before, and you’d like to talk to me first – click here for a free half-hour consultation
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2. Group support
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   Weekly one-and-a-half-hour sessions (held every 3 out of 4 weeks).
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   You get the opportunity to practice a variety of communication skills, including how to support others to “get out of the hole” of negative emotion.
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   Every few months, you’ll also have the opportunity to receive support from the group to “get out of the hole” yourself about some real situation in your life.
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   (Note: Since the focus is on group learning, these opportunities are not designed to offer support about highly charged or long-standing situations – one-on-one support works best for those.)
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   Bonus: With this program, you get access to the same library of video training mentioned above – to help you learn how communicate peacefully and successfully, even in challenging situations.
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   To sign up – click here
   For more information – click here
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   Warmly,
   🙂
   Glenda
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