How to Start Anything to set yourself up for success
(Time to read: ~4 minutes)
A new page. A new year. A new relationship, job or project.
There is something delightful about beginnings, the freshness of new possibilities.
And I have learned a few key things to help to ensure that those possibilities are fulfilled in the way you want.
Lesson from my cell phone
A few weeks ago, something happened to one of the power cords that I use to charge my cell phone.
There was an alarming buzzing sound, and the charging symbol flashed on and off.
When I unplugged the phone, I discovered that some of the connectors at the end of the cord were black, so it wasn’t making full connection.
Fortunately there was no damage to the phone.
But I’ve found there can be damage to relationships when we try to operate without two kinds of full connection.
1) Full Connection with Yourself
One of my goals for the coming year is to be more realistic with myself about the time involved in offering a workshop.
This means I need to be aware of and schedule on my calendar the “working by myself” time involved in things like preparing the slides and handouts, and connecting with my organizational contacts.
Part of me is really looking forward to the clarity and peace this will provide – knowing that I have reserved enough time to prepare to do a good job, without having to work late nights to get everything done.
But other parts of me are pretty concerned about the implications of this new approach. They’re worried about things like:
- Feeling trapped – without the freedom to work on things when they feel “alive”.
- That my “inner rebel” will refuse to go along with the schedule – and will deliberately do anything except than what I’ve put on my calendar.
- I will “have” to say no to things I really want to do.
All this is completely natural
Any time we say “yes” to something new, we are also saying “no” to some other things. It’s very rare that all of me is enthusiastic about any new idea right from the start.
I may not be aware of the concerned or reluctant parts at the beginning, in the first blush of enthusiasm. But I have consistently found that those parts are there.
If I try to go forward without first addressing these concerns, I am setting myself up for failure.
Instead, I need to start in full connection with myself. I need to:
- Be aware of all my thoughts and feelings about this new possibility, and
- Find a way to satisfy them all, before I try to make any changes in my calendar. That’s setting myself up for success.
Do you know how to do these two things? I’ve discovered that most people don’t.
That’s why I teach a simple, reliable step-by-step process that you can use in any situation – whether it’s something completely under your control (like your calendar), or something for which you need the cooperation of others – like a change at work or at home.
Click here if you’d like to have a conversation to see if learning this process could support you
2) Full Connection with Others
Something else I would like in the new year is to have my neighbours reduce the amount of sound they transmit into my unit.
But approaching them in that way will definitely not start us off in full connection.
In fact, they may already be feeling resentful as a result of things I have done in the past to try to achieve this objective.
So here again, I need to start with connecting fully to myself.
- Does some part of me feel resentful, hurt, or angry about what’s happened in the past?
If so, I need to find a way to transform that into peaceful, positive energy for the future – or my neighbours are guaranteed to resist me and my ideas.
- Does some part of me think I’m “right”? That these other people “should” do what I want?
Again, just having that thought in me creates a barrier of disconnection and resistance with others. I first need to dismantle that inner wall, and get to a place of genuine curiosity about what’s true and important to the other people involved.
Then I have the potential to connect fully with others.
Two Stages of Connection with Others
I’ve discovered that:
- I may need to start by helping to dissolve barriers of resentment, hurt, or anger that other people are feeling about things I’ve done in the past – to get our relationship onto level ground before trying to do anything else.
- Then we can begin to connect about the future – about what we’re both wanting going forward.
If you’d like to learn and practice these steps in a small group, click here
To get confidential, one-on-one support for tackling a challenging situation, click here
What’s Your Next Step to Success?
Is there something in this article that you’d like to try for yourself?
Or has it helped you to see that something else is a better next step for you?
I offer these options:
The Change Conversation: How to Prevent & Resolve Conflict – Peacefully, Effectively, and Permanently
One-on-one training and coaching option
Private Couple Training Program
Click here to book a free consultation
Small Group Mentoring – Be Prepared for Your Real-Life Change Conversations
Group training, coaching and support – to prepare for your real-life change conversations
Plus accelerate your learning with the experiences of others
Click here for information